Insecurities

I've been in this world for 21 years and I never have learned how to overcome my insecurities.

I used to spend an awful lot of time worrying about people liking me. Or what people

Lately, I've been feeling more insecure than ever. And no, I'm not seeking for your sympathy or attention by saying this. If you feel so, then, you can stop wasting your precious time here now by closing the tab/window. Anyway, back to what I was saying. I feel so ugly these days, seriously. There are so many more-good-looking-guys than me. Compared to them, I feel so...ugh!

I even hate taking pictures of myself these days. Then, I'll start thinking about what others think of me which just makes everything worse. All the insults of how I look just hurts so bad whether it's a joke or not. It might be funny to you but it is definitely not-funny-at-all to me. These insecurities are really making me feel down. I'm up to the point where I don't even look in the mirror. (Okay, that's exaggerated)

I often ask myself, why do the people I like wont like me back? Then I start to remember my insecurities. That I am not good-looking, that I am not rich, that I am thin and lousy, that I'm not smart, that I am a boring person, that I don't have much to offer, that I am not lovable at all.

thought of me. Or what they thought of the clothes I was wearing. Or whatever. When I think about things I assume everyone else is thinking, I see side glances and sniggers where none really exist.
I can't help but to feel all these insecurities especially these past few weeks/months especially that I experience rejection more often.

I know there's a lot to be thankful for, that there's more to life than these insecurities but I really can't ditch the feeling that I am no best for anything.

It's discouraging. I hate this feeling. Ugh! I feel like crying right now.

:(


Monday, August 19, 2013